“I can’t sit down,” is the name of a gospel song about someone who just got to heaven.
But there’s now a new reason for not being able to sit down: Pockies. This is the name of boxer shorts with pockets. The possibility of unwarranted exposure is highly possible if you sit down while wearing only a pockie.
These guys in Amsterdam apparently decided that putting on trousers was a real drag, so they marketed underwear with pockets. It seems that once every several hours they needed to put their cell phones down. “Why should trousers have all the pockets?” asked one entrepreneur.
Makes sense to me. For that reason and the fact that they mostly cost 30 bucks (each), I sewed my own underwear with pockets—that’s two in front, two in back, and for sentimentality sake, a watch pocket.
Then I put the stuff that goes in my regular trousers into my ho-made pockie. My pockie went directly to the floor. And because I was live streaming the experiment on Facebook, I have become an internet sensation, my post has seven million hits so far after only a few days.
Apparently, the need for trousers is fading fast. Already, a significant portion of Americans, male and female, are appearing in pubic, dressed only in their crocs and a pair of pajamas. I have wondered if folks are expecting to drop off to sleep at any moment in any place. It is already so in the college classroom.
While teaching, I usually allowed my pajama-clad students to sit in the back in a section of the room that has recliner chairs behind a sound baffle that prevents their snoring from disturbing the couple of students who were trying to listen to my mellifluously-delivered lectures.
Pockies are probably a boon to a certain segment of the population–those who sag. That is, those who, on purpose, slide their trousers down their hips, leaving their underwear to show. Since they cannot reach into the pockets of their trousers, if they wear pockies, they can get their cash or credit card out to pay for their purchases.
Here is the segue: When I was younger, parents tried to control their children’s hair. Some of the guys in my school were suspended when they came to school with mohawk cuts. Some strange guy came up to me in a small town once, unbidden, and told me to “Get them sideburns cut. I’d cut ‘em myself if I had my knife.” I immediately left that town, never to return.
Then came earrings and other penetrations of the body (I did have my clavicle pierced once). Adults adopted such accoutrements. And many young people stopped penetrating themselves.
After that, I think, came tattoos, some discrete, others bodacious. Older adults also decried, then began making their own bodies into canvases. My opinion of tattoos is that I can change my shirt.
After the tattoos, came outdoor pajamas and, now, we will be seeing people walking around clad only in their underwear. The pocket is simply a device to make it easier to eat an ice cream cone without having to put your phone, keys, and plastic down somewhere.
And we will all be revulsed and some city councils will try to ban them. And more youths will don them and we will dream of winter, cold, cold winter.
Young people will be the primary wearers of pockies. Then, to get the idea to wane, parents simply need to get their own pairs. Flaunt themselves all over the place and the younger folks will abandon them forthwith.

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